Monday, December 29, 2008

The Growing of Grace

I honestly have no idea how people possibly work and mother babies in the NICU. One minute Grace is fine, doing excellent- starting feeding via bottles, and the next she's overexhausted, forgets to breathe, stops her heartrate, and stops acting normal. Just when I think we're doing well- we crash again.... this is the craziest rollercoaster ride that I've ever been on! Today was a good day, for the most part- she had a few issues with getting enough oxygen, but the nurses are doing their best to keep her in a balance from over-satting and de-satting... and Grace can't make up her mind on what she wants to do. This is getting harder for us to maintain normalcy.... friends still want to see us, bills still have to get paid, dogs still have to get exercise, phone calls still have to get returned.... I find it harder to stay at work, and with all of the lifestyle changes we're making (permanent) I'll probably need to stay home with her at some point- so the stress list goes on and on.... For the good news, I am learning to knit with my NICU mommies- I've met some really amazing people here. I can't explain how my life has changed over the past few weeks- it sounds so cliche, but so true. I often hear people that are in the military say that they come back different people, but never really believed it- but I'm experiencing this change first hand. I hope that the people I knew and loved before will know and love this new version of me- I'm so different. Different things stress and worry me, and different things bring me joy. It's an amazing journey- I'm in LOVE with my little girl. I would truly do ANYTHING for her. :)

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