Wisdom @ Work

A friend at work sent me this quote, and I wanted to share- it really speaks to me during this situation.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

Plan Interrupted

Whew! What a few months it has been.... In month four of Danelle's pregnancy we had some weird things occur that led us to investigate her a bit more thoroughly. I would call Danelle to check in with her, and she would be asleep until 1 or 2 pm each and every day- and sounded so bitchy and out of it whenever we spoke. Often times, I would call her home phone and a random guy would answer, telling me that Danelle wasn't home (at 10pm!!) even though I could hear her two boys crying in the background. Eventually, I called again and some guy asked me if I wanted to come over to her house to party.... I talked with my family about the experiences and one person brought up drug use. I was so desperate to believe that it wasn't true, that I put it out of my mind for some time. Eventually, Felix and I agreed that we needed to know- especially if it was something far worse than we expected. Because Danelle had signed over Medical Power of Attorney I called her physician and explained my concerns and asked for a random drug test. Three days later we heard back- positive for methamphetamine, marijuana, alcohol and nicotine. I was heartbroken! After researching possible complications and speaking with the doctor, we agreed to back out of the adoption process- it broke our hearts, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time. We went to Danelle's house to tell her in person. She was IRATE! She couldn't believe that the doctor would tell us, as it was her private information. She threatened to sue the doctor. Over and over again, I simply asked- "Is it true?" And she never denied it.... We told her it would be best if she found another family to adopt her child. She called us later that day, asking if we really wanted to back out, as she had found another family, but she didn't like them as much. We again emphasized that we didn't want to proceed. I moped for WEEKS! I never really felt like I would get over this....

Fast forward two months, and we decided to reconsider. We've hoped and prayed, talked and thought and this really is a blessing- one we're so thankful for! So, in January we'll be the proud parents of.... wait for it.... a baby girl!!!

The next doctor's appointment will be on October 10th. We're so excited, nervous and anxious- there is just so much left to do- we have to paint, decorate, stock up on diapers, buy a bed set, etc. Who knew that picking a car seat could be more difficult than picking out a wedding dress?!? As much as I complain, I'm really filled with bliss and feel quite lucky and blessed to be able to whine about these things. It is like finally being part of a club that I've heard so much about. I'm having dinner with Danelle's sister and family tomorrow evening- it's almost like a blind date- I'm nervous as a school girl! I'll keep you updated. Signing off for now...

The Meeting

The next morning I woke up excited, but hesitant. I was so excited to meet Danelle, but more cautious because I was so vulnerable- would this really be our chance to grow our family? Danelle called and asked if we minded meeting her closer to downtown, as she was with a friend staying at a hotel. We thought that was a bit odd, but being we were desperate to meet her, we invited the friend to join us, hopefully making Danelle feel a bit more comfortable.

Our first chance to see Danelle was at a hotel parking lot- the place where memories get made! Kidding... I remember the first thing I said to Felix, "she's really pretty!" and then he said something like he agreed. We got out and decided where to go for lunch.

They (Danelle and her best friend, Rachel) followed us in Rachel's car to El Torito and we sat down to have lunch. I was still so very nervous!! How do you start this kind of conversation?!? Somehow we figured it out. We showed them both pictures, told them about our lives, asked about theirs and genuinely got to know one another. Towards the end of lunch, Felix and I both told Danelle that if she would consider us in her adoption plan, we would be so grateful, and that we would love the opportunity to meet with her again, but to feel no pressure, regardless of her decision.

We walked out of the restaurant feeling great- but with an air of hesitation. It was so real, so close! She was an incredible woman- I couldn't believe how brave she would be to be able to do this. Not five minutes later Danelle called and made our dreams come true. Danelle told us that she felt very comfortable that her family knew of us, and that we were normal people, not strangers found via a random adoption agency. She told us that we were meant to parent this little miracle- I can't remember the rest of the trip- I think I was so beyond myself with excitement that the rest of our conversation became a blur. We called our family and gave them the update and immediately made appointments to get the ball rolling. Danelle thought she might be 2-3 months pregnant, so we were somewhat panicked that she would need to find a doctor and quickly. There was so much to think about- money, hospital, attorneys, her feelings, her health, her children, our families, our house- it's nuts! And so the journey continued...

Walgreens- The New Meeting Spot!

We finally had spoken with Danelle and agreed to meet near her home, an area we weren't very familiar with. We were so excited- I was so nervous- what should I say? What do I bring? Blair had told me that she was interested in seeing our home and our lives, so I made sure the scrapbooks were in the car. Felix suggested we bring the laptop, since it had all of the latest photos, so that too went into the vehicle. Everything was ready- except me! I couldn't decide what to wear. At first, Felix and I looked ridiculous, we were both wearing white shorts/capris and similar colored tops. We looked like a cult family! He changed, and I futzed with my hair- of course it never works when you need it to be just right.

Off we went- we were fairly late, Felix was mad at me the entire drive. It really was my fault- I took FOREVER to get ready. We finally made it to the Walgreen's and we waited.... and waited.... and waited.... and waited. Felix swore we had missed her because we were 10 minutes late. I would have thought she would have waited, but I was beginning to think Felix was right. We called the only number we had for her and kept getting the answering machine- no dice. Our meeting wasn't going to happen.

I tried to stay positive, thinking that if I crumbled, Felix would know how upset I was, and he would get upset too. I suggested that we have a nice lunch, and look at this in a positive light- perhaps this was a very difficult decision and she had second thoughts. We called and left her a message saying exactly that, and that we understood. We tried to make it a normal Sunday afternoon, but we couldn't get out of our funk. We came back home and moped some more.

Later that day our phone rang- it was her! She apologized profusely and said that she had overslept and was so sorry that we had missed each other. She asked if we'd be willing to meet her the next day. Again- we said yes, hoping for the best!

Felix's Perspective:

So we arrived late. to no fault of my own. This is my pet peeve. If we are going to tell someone to meet us at a certain time then we most certainly better be their to greet the person, on time. I was so nervous. What was this person going to think of us? We wanted everything to be perfect so that Danelle liked us enough to consider us the eventual parents to her unborn child. So when got to Walgreens and started to look around, we initially did not see anyone and I started to get really nervous that the girl would not show up. I kept pacing and as time went on my heart began to break a little more. We finally gave up after an hour. We went out to lunch and sat there totally depressed. I was distraught. I want to be a dad so bad and I feel that it will never happen. Life is not supposed to be like this and at the age of thirty two, I felt that I was running out of chances to become a dad. When we went home that day, I think we took a nap. This whole ordeal had taken so much out of us and we were both hurt. Then we got the call that she had overslept and wanted to meet us the next day and once again we were excited but very cautious.

The Phone Call...

Felix and I were carpooling with our friend, Kelly Frank, when my cell phone began to ring. It was our neighbor, Blair calling. I immediately panicked- was everything okay? Was the house on fire, or the dogs outside? I tentatively answered and rightfully so- Blair said she had something really important to ask me...

Let's rewind a few months, years- Felix and I had been trying to have kids for some time. I was diagnosed with PCOS, Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (for more information visit www.pcosupport.org) and this creating our difficulties in conceiving. After medication, I still wasn't able to conceive- it was time to look into Felix. Unfortunately, Felix also had some infertility issues! We both took medication, tried for months, went into more debt bankrolling our issues, and finally took a break. After months of waiting, we decided to attempt to get pregnant using a donor. After two tries, and yet more debt, we were still unsuccessful. We had one more try left, but we decided we'd take another break- emotionally and financially necessary.

Back to Blair's call- which happened one month after our "break". Blair had a friend who knew of someone that needed to find a family who could adopt her unborn child- would we be interested in meeting with the girl?

Of course we said yes! So, we gave our phone number to Blair and waited to hear back. Blair called within the hour and gave us Danelle's phone number to call, but asked that we wait a few days for her friend to talk with her. And so began the journey of sitting on pins and needles...

Felix's Perspective:
My thoughts were ones of pure excitement. I am the one that puts the cart before the horse, so of course I wanted to know everything. In my mind, I was already picking names out. Anneke of course brought me back down to earth and told me to take a chill and I did. We have had some leads before but surely a friend of a friend was our best yet. Nerves were going at full scale but I can tell you that I could not believe that Danelle was going to come so easily into our lives ,from this point on. We had to wait a few days to meet the woman that was going to give us the best gift ever and this made me so nervous.