Two Women

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One - you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives shaped to make yours,
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life, and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile; the other dried your tears.
One gave you up - that's all she could do.
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
Now you ask through all your tears the age-old question through the years;
Heredity or environment - which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling - neither - just two different kinds of love.

Hungry Breath Holding Hippo

It has been a very long week- working and caring for a baby in the NICU is hard work! Today I'm preparing for our weekend, my baby shower and grandpa and grandma's visit. They fly in tomorrow morning and I know they can hardly wait to meet their new granddaughter. Grace is doing extremely well, we're still in a holding pattern. Grace was put back onto caffeine last night. Apparently premature babies sometimes "forget" to breathe, and they'll hold their breath. Caffeine stimulates a part of their brain that reminds them to breathe. Grace started her life on caffeine, but they took her off of it 3 days ago. Yesterday she held her breath twice (this is not dangerous or abnormal) so they've put her back on. She's up to 3cc's of breast milk and doing really well. She gained another ounce!!! She's officially @ 3 lbs, 3 oz. We did the math, 2 kilos is 4 lbs, 4 oz, so if she continues to gain an ounce a day, we'll be looking @ her surgery around the New Year. The adoption is going smoothly- it always has it's ups and downs, but we're definitely on the up.

Sweet Treats

We had our 1st day back to work- albeit only for 4 hours! It was so hard to be away from her- but I know we have to so that we have time to spend with her when she comes home. Grace is hovering around 3 pounds now, with them trying to fatten her up before her 1st surgery. Originally we were given a potential surgery date of next week Monday, but now they're using the 2 kilo weight goal, so who knows when that will be?!? They've put Grace back onto the diuretic which means she pretty much pees non-stop, but this keeps fluid away from her heart and lungs. We've been using the Kangaroo Care model, which allows us to nap with her using skin-on-skin contact. It's the highlight of our days!!! Our neighbor, Blair made cupcakes for the NICU department- what a hit! Everyone was so thankful and the cupcakes were adorable.

We had a meeting with the attorney and Danelle again today and it looks like we'll be bringing an agency into the mix too, so that we can ensure social services assistance for Grace's medical procedures. Unfortunately, the agency is more money, but again, we'll make it through. Every day that we spend with Grace, the more we become willing to do ANYTHING we have to- she's our life now!

The Art of Breast Milk

Another great relaxing day today! I saw the endocrinologist today about breastfeeding- I will be taking so many hormones!! Poor Felix, he'll have to put up with me over the next few months. The hormones and medications and herbs will "fake" my body into thinking it's pregnant over the next 5 weeks, and along with pumping, I should be able to generate some milk. We'll see- fingers crossed! For now Grace is on donor breast milk that the hospital is supplying- thank God for the power of prayer! Felix and I practiced "Kangaroo Care" today. Apparently, it's a type of care where the baby lays on the bare chest of a parent to increase bonding, growth, stability, etc. I had to sit still for approximately 3 hours- but it was so worth it! I could actually feel my energy being taken by her, but I didn't mind, I had lots to give. I'm officially whooped tonight, but looking forward to another quiet day at the hospital. Grace's surgery is going to happen within the next 2 weeks. Grandma and Grandpa from Wisconsin fly out next week Saturday and Sunday is my baby shower. :) Looks like a great week ahead.

Brown Eyed Girl

Grace's central line was succesfully placed into her arm! Grace was slightly medicated in order to get the IV installed, and she was sound asleep when we got to the hospital around 12:30 pm. We grabbed some lunch and upon our arrival we heard our little girl fussing. Together Felix, myself and her nurse calmed her down, changed her dirty diaper and relaxed her. Once she relaxed, she opened her eyes for the very first time. Grace has beautiful brown eyes! We are hoping that we'll see more of our Brown-Eyed Girl's eyes in the coming days.

Spilled Flower Water

While out buying flowers and a card for Grace's birthmom, we received a phone call from her sister instructing us to get to Phoenix Children's Hospital ASAP. I panicked, running out of Safeway without paying for the items and knocking down the flower vase filled with water in the process. We ran to the car and drove away as fast as we possibly could. During the drive, we were called back and told to come to the original hospital and that the doctors would explain more. At the hospital we were told that they had discovered a tiny heart murmur which led them to believe that Grace had a potential heart defect. Because of the seriousness of the defect, Grace was going to be life-flighted by helicopter to Phoenix Children's Hospital.

We tried to stay calm amidst the stressful situation and left for PCH (Phoenix Children's Hospital) to be with Grace. At PCH Grace was placed in their NICU and doctors and cardiologists closely examined her and performed echo cardiograms.

Grace was diagnosed with Pulmonary Atresia with VSD, also known as Tetralogy of Fallot. PCH performs surgeries for this type of birth defect 100's of times per year, but because of her low birth weight there was some concern. Over the next two weeks they would be working on getting Grace to gain weight as furiously as possible, with her first surgery taking place as early as 2 weeks from her birth date.

She's Here!

Danelle had been having some pre-term labor and we had spent many a night at the hospital. They had given her anti-labor meds, but she didn't like they way they made her feel. On our final few nights in the hospital, they thought the baby was going to come- way too early. They gave Danelle the steroid shots to help develop Grace's lungs, just in case. Danelle apparently checked herself out AMA (Against Medical Advice), but we weren't aware- thinking she had been discharged.

I went to work December 1st like any normal day. After work I went with Jeff, Kelly and Felix to Target @ Lake Pleasant to do some last minute Christmas decor purchases. Danelle called while we were there and told me that she thought she may have eaten some rotten linguica- and her tummy was really hurting. I suggested that it could be labor, but Danelle didn't think so. So, we went about our shopping and then went home. Felix was a nervous wreck- he got in the shower, packed a suitcase, and packed baby stuff. I thought he was nuts- he swore he just had a "feeling" that Grace was going to be born tonight. At 10 pm, we got the call from Danelle. Her water broke and the ambulance was on the way. By the time we got to the hospital, Danelle was dilated 10 cm, and was getting prepped for an emergency C-section. Grace was coming- NOW! Jennifer, Danelle's sister, was going to be in the delivery/op room with Danelle, but she hadn't arrived yet. They dressed me in scrubs and just as they were wheeling Danelle away, Jenny came running in. I quickly exchanged clothing with Jenny- here are some funny photos!

Grace was born @ 11:49 pm. She weighed 3 pounds, 6.3 ounces. She scored a 9 and 10 on her Apgar scores. We were over the moon- we were finally parents!! We had no idea what was ahead for us...